Your valet has your tails pressed and ready. The women are in the receiving room and your top hat and monocle are quite simply, straight killing it. You usher your guest, the esteemed Dowager and pretender to the throne of Persia, into the dinning hall and prepare for a lovely evening filled with snippy remarks, wit and a healthy dose of classism. There’s only one problem…
You’ve spent the last of your cash on hush money to keep your families deep dark secrets from seeing the light … for now.
But don’t worry y’all. Trader Joe’s has your back.
For those of you that don’t know – Trader Joe’s sells a wine called Charles Shaw for $2.99 that doesn’t taste like the ear wax from a homeless man doing calisthenics in August. It’s actually quite good.
There’s many a legend as to how they can sell a decent tasting wine for so cheap. I’ve heard of the spiteful ex-husband trying to screw his ex out of royalties, to Edmond Dantes finding the recipe mixed in with the treasure of Sparda (ok I made that one up). The truth of the matter is that Franzia is able to label the cheap wine with the prestigious “Napa” region while selling directly to Trader Joe’s without the use of a wholesaler. The grapes are also from the central coast area, which are much cheaper. So it’s almost exactly like getting a stupidly good haircut at great clips.
I’d like to think I have a decent palate (due to the fact that I was raised by foodies/winos – I’m no Sommelier though – BOOM vocab!) but I can say that if you blindfolded me and put three buck chuck in front of me and say a $10 wine, I’d struggle to choose the better. However, the price does hold power over the taste of the wine. Simply knowing how cheap it is may sway your tastebuds like the fickle bastards they are. This is why it’s customary to serve it in a chalice as servants fan you with palm tree leaves to class it up a bit. Trust me, it helps.
It’s no Cakebread or Mondavi but hot damn if it’s not the classiest and tastiest thing you can serve to your friends to show them that your interested in their friendship without having to give their untrained monkey mouths your good stuff.