Reasons Why Downton Abbey Is The Manliest Thing On T.V.

I know what you’re thinking.

“Isn’t that the show about butlers and fancy people who complain about how dreadful London’s become ever since the lower class discovered that they were people too?”

You’re Goddamn right.

I, like many men, was required to watch Downton due to my wife needing someone to watch and drink tea with as she fell in love with the show.  Apparently it’s possible for people to relate to the life problems of the wealthy aristocracy and their servants. I can really understand how Lady Mary must have felt when her sister started absconding away with the chauffeur. THE CHAUFFEUR! Can you imagine?

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I digress.

After awhile, I began to feel myself being pulled into the monarchistic melodrama of Downton. And do you know why? Because it’s the manliest thing on t.v.

1) The Butler

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This is Carson and he’s as Alpha as they get. He’s like the tuxedoed, English version for Khal Drago. Every time he walks into a room filled with his brood of underlings they rise and a hush fills the room. They don’t eat before he eats. They don’t speak before he speaks, and he can squash the power play of beta males with nothing but a stern look and a tasteful rise of his lush eyebrows.

2) The Suits


You know what isn’t in the above photo? Little girly boys who think they’re cool with baseball hats with price stickers still on them, basketball shoes that cost more than a iphone and soy-based sugar-free coffee drinks that they are taking selfies with instead of drinking. Do you know what’s in this picture? Classy as shit men who hunt with heirloom quality shotguns, own majestic dogs that run free across their vast estates and entertain the respectable, beautiful and well-bred womenfolk.  Do you know why they are able to do this? Suits. Glorious suits.

3) The Cook


The cook is a better man than most men I know in my life simple because she knows exactly who she is and  changes for no man. She’s powerful, kind, funny and can make a mean soufflé. Can you make a soufflé with nothing more than wood stove, natural sunlight and a team of hormonal harpies that are sweet on a footman? Her sass is legendary.

4) The Dog


This dog makes 8.5 million people look directly at his butt every week. And they like it.

Side note: Even Will Ferrell likes it.

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