Corgis Are Proof That The Universe Loves Us

A spark in the great void.

Converging masses in the once deep dark strike like flint to set fire to the cosmos – igniting stars and planets over countless eons. Working towards one end goal. The sole purpose of every atom, planet and star. The pinnacle of creation.

Corgi butts.

Everything else is just byproduct.

Just the other day, Katie and I made a huge decision and bought a Corgi puppy. Her name is Dixie and chances are, I love her way more than you. Nothing personally or anything, I just want to set expectations.

The real trouble is that she is also the destroyer of worlds.


She is a mean 6 lbs of “wreck all your most valuable things” wrapped in a unsuspecting shell of “holy shit you’re so cute”. She is the perfect predator mainly due to the fact that she could be eating your face off and you would never stop her because she just looks so good doing it. Nature is a devious thing.

Here’s a quick hit of things you should know before getting a dog.

  • They are STUPID cute
  • They will also go to the bathroom all over your life
  • You’ll never be alone
  • You’ll NEVER be alone. Kind of awkward when you’re trying to use the bathroom
  • They will bite the hell out of your fingers, making you look like you have meth sores all over your hands
  • You need to watch them CONSTANTLY
  • You’ll get super comfortably with getting pee on your hands
  • Hearing them whine when they have kennel time will sunder your soul
  • They are worth every ounce of energy you put into them

I’ve discovered that this is really the final step of becoming a real person. I have a job, a wife, a house and now a living creature that will literally die if I mess up. No pressure or anything. It’s a weird thought though and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I have the autonomy I’ve always craved but now that I’m here, a grown-ass man, I look back and realize that I’ll never be able to sit down, play video games while drinking a super tasty Capri-sun while mom makes me an awesome snack. But right before I get melancholy about it, I remember that I’m an adult and can do whatever I want. So I pour myself some scotch, order a pizza with extra bacon on it, pick a show on Hulu, grab my wife and dog and sit on a couch as I forget about the world and it’s problems. And as I watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine with Katie and Dixie asleep on me, I smile. Because life is amazing and being a grown-up is great. All you need to do is remind yourself that life is insane and never take it seriously because it’s a bitch and bitches ain’t shit.

Moral of the story? Dixie is amazing.

Get on her level, scrub.

You should follow her on Instagram.

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