A Formal Analysis On Why Buttered Toast Always Lands Face First

Exhibit 1: Toast


Toasted to a golden hue, bread approaches a level of delicious not thought possible before the Munch Test Theory of 1904. Currently ranked as the seventh greatest accomplishment of mankind, it’s popularity has grown exponentially since its conception. Applying butter furthers it’s ranking to fourth – directly behind the New Car Smell.

Exhibit 2:

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A rare phenomenon occurs when buttered toast is subjected to a free-fall scenario, i.e. dropping it. 95% of the time, it will land butter side down. Curiously, this rate will increase in relation to the future consumers hunger ratio.  There are many theories on why this happens, but three have found popularity amongst the worlds nations.

Theory 1

The butter acts as a ballast, causing the toast to favor falling on its heavier side.

Theory 2

Due to it’s level of tastiness, gravity favors the buttered side to try to absorb some of its properties.

Theory 3

It’s because the Universe f@#!ing hates you.

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